Setting Up Contact with Your Child after Adoption

Giving up your child for adoption doesn't mean you necessarily have to lose all contact with it. In fact, many mothers now choose to remain in some form of contact with their child after adoption. This process requires multiple careful steps.

Deciding on Visitation Times

Once you've given your child up for adoption, you need to make a choice: what form your ongoing contact with your child will take. Do you want yearly photos and letters sent to you around Christmas time? Or do you feel you communicate better via monthly phone calls? Do you think your child would benefit from regular in-person visits?

These questions are difficult to answer, but they must be worked out with the adoptive family well in advance of the adoption. Remember, you also have their needs to consider and over stepping your comfort bounds may do more harm than good.

In some states, you're going to have to create a visitation plan along with the "Post Adoptive Contact Agreements." This will help make visitation and contact times clear and legally binding. These plans may be evaluated and adjusted later, as the needs and wants of the child change.

Communicating with the Adoptive Parents

Being an adoptive parent is not an easy task: many struggle to make a connection with their adopted child. That's why it's so important to talk to them before making any kind of communication plan. After all, you don't want to interfere with their parenting.

Important life aspects to communicate include

  • Their jobs and schedule
  • The impact of adoption on their own children (if they have any)
  • Any personal and religious beliefs that may impact communication
  • Concerns that may want them to limit your communication with your child

These discussions will be incredibly difficult, but can be rewarding if both sides approach it respectfully. And they should help lead to a successful and emotionally positive communication system. However, you also need to make sure you consider your own needs during this process: don't let them bulldoze you with demands. The communication and visitation plan outlined in your "Post Adoptive" papers is legally binding, so don't let them force you into informally changing it.

Following these simple steps should help keep you engaged in your child's life after adoption. Remember: your interests may clash from time to time and it's important to put their own above yours. This simple step may help them grow up more happily and well adjusted. For more information, talk to an adoption agency like

A Child's Dream